fiddy splinters & chiselfoot.

I'm through with this whole complaining thing. I mean, I'm probably not, but I really really want to be! I feel like all I've been doing the past week or so is complaining. This could possibly be because the past week has been a bit of shite.

Whereas typically, people experience fits of rage, I have been experiencing what can only be referred to as fits of joy. Something really small but exciting happens and I get excited and have to smile, or I think about extremely exciting things to look forward to [ie England 09] and can't help but smile. Those are great moments. Like shivers. Happy, happy shivers.

I have to go finish my character analysis on Beth March for Musical Theatre and, you know, this is a toughie. Beth is probably the flattest character in the show. As a stubborn over-ambitious writer, I can totally relate to Jo; as a young woman who has always been completely, utterly obsessed with the male gender, I'm a definite Meg; and as someone who's been the younger sister since Day 1, I'm with Amy as well, but MAN, it's tough to get Beth, especially when the song I have to perform is all about how she's okay with dying because she's lived her life just to watch Jo be happy. Who does that? Bahh.

Been wicked tired wicked early, and throughout the day lately, going to bed around 10pm. I don't know if the Mono is srsly still intact in my system, which seems nearly impossible, or if it's the Anemia reaking havoc and I should probably look into those Iron supplements, but either way, I recently realised that my body hasn't been strong and able since the day I arrived back in the States. I'm eager to see if the moment I land back in Londontown if I suddenly get a huge burst of energy and don't need to sleep for three weeks.

most likely.

Oh man, It's not even 6pm

Y'know how absolutely awesome it feels to start to freak out that you're supposed to be somewhere, doing something, and then realise that you have nothing left to do that evening?? AMAZING. I keep getting that. Granted, I'd love to have a second job and be making money right now, but I also have a ton of homework, per usual, and even more Theatre stuff to do - Three concepts to conceptualise for three potential shows to direct - And y'know, maybe I'll treat myself to a movie.

Today started out so horribly. My brow was sweating; I was that fed up. I have never had to park so far away and it's because a whole bunch of students without permits [most likely freshmen] are parking where us upper classmen are supposed to be parking now. Not cool. If it's freshmen: Guys, deal, I couldn't have my car on campus first year either. It's part of the tormental suffering that is freshman year. If it's upper classmen: Even uncooler. So, what? I have to pay the $200 but you're far too special? That just irks me...

In general, especially in this damn country, people spend more time trying to find loopholes around rules and facts than just living their lives for the best. We'd have a much happier, more peaceful society, I think, if people let the little things go and concentrated on the important matters. Innocent people would be disadvantaged less and more things would get done.

My important issue of the moment: Is it too early to make dinner? By the time I decide, it will be time to make dinner.

As It Turns Out.

Approx two weeks ago, I drove to BBW with my right side view mirror dangling from my car because some asshole knocked it off. I figured with a shitty parking job because no one besides us small few know how to freaking park.

Turns out there was a footprint on it. Which means it was most likely KICKED off. Srsly?

If that's true, whoever did that: You are kind of a badass....But mostly, you're a shitty, horrible, disgusting human being and I really hope Karma exists.

I just really do not understand how people have the time to fuck with other peoples' lives. It is pathetic. Do something with your lives, people.

Cos Your Friends Don't Dance & If They Don't Dance, Well, They're No Friends of Mine

You know, just recently, I thought I had that whole "what is a friend" thing figured out.

Totally not true!

I have no idea what friendship really is and if anyone can really be a friend. I don't think they can. My cynicism is getting higher and higher. Everyone is human and therefore friendship is not a real thing.

I'm the only one I can trust and even that's not a 100% thing.

And I definitely don't really have friends. I have a billion people who usually love me and are sometimes "there for me" and I often have a blast with.

But friends?


I like feeling my wisdom teeth with my tongue. The top ones are just under the skin. I'm excited to see if my goal is reached and I succesfully let them come in without some money-demanding dentist tearing them out. I would feel like I won.

And it will feel good to win something after this afternoon, which was ridiculous and I have mixed feelings about. I shall not be on e-board for Stage Co next year. You know, there's the disappointment and the shock of being rejected when I came into it totally thinking I had it won, but, I think, all in all, I feel relieved because I have 0 responsibility to Stage Co now. I don't have to go if I don't feel like it or don't have time. And maybe I'm not meant for the job anyway. I just want to put on amazing shows - I could honestly care less about the "group bonding" stuff, movie nights, dance parties - I have full-length plays to direct and a Thesis to write next year. This is a good thing.

These are all good things.

It's Almost Dark.

I srsly thought I'd be pissed off about spending most of my day inside when it was finally warm and gorgeous out.

Instead! I'm actually feeling ridiculously, surprisingly content having the apartment to my lonesome, curled up on my LFC fleece, thinking about what went well and didn't go well with my show this weekend, munching on a green pepper, watching Braveheart and concentrating my emotions on the psychological journey of Robert the Bruce instead of anything else. And remembering how I stood in the same room where the real non-Mel Gibson William Wallace was tried.

My show is over. And I'm once again focused on my excitement about my return to England. Just about three and a half months.

My show is over. And I have a new perspective on directing. I learned so much more than I ever thought I would from that short yet amazing experience. I do love Directing. After this weekend, I think I've realised I love stage management more. Weird, right? But in directing, you work and work and work and slave over a show - Make it yours. And then production comes and it's out of your hands - You have no control and you have to trust this team of people to not kill your work. It is completely in their hands to make your vision what you created. It is probably part of the growing process, but this weekend was tough in that respect because I don't trust other people, especially with my work. I'm very cynical and I do not believe anyone can do my work as well as I can. And there were a lot of mess-ups. I prefer stage managing - When I run the show. To continue the downsides - Yeah, I can videotape my production, but still, once the run of the show has ended, my work is gone. If I was successful, it will have done its job and moved the audience, been remembered, made an impression. But it is still gone. As a writer, where my work continues to be seen, read, enjoyed, used, envisioned, this is hard for me to bear. This is something I may get over and embrace as part of this branch of art and this job, or something that will distract me from further successes as a director. I hope for the former as I just submitted two challenging pieces to direct next year.

In completely other news, LFC was back at their spot at the top of the Premier League yesterday, but freaking Man United pulled a point somewhere. Still, my boys are one point away and I know they can do it!! Now if only I had friends around who loved them too.

My friends told me they were going to this jazz piano concert at the Barn today. I figured I'd tag along and see if there was a load-out afterwards I could work. I got there, my TD was front of house, I asked him, he said I could be front of house and get paid to work that. And I did. I love spontaneous jobs. That twenty bucks will buy me a meal and a pint in England this summer.

Life has been crazy. I'm ready to chill. My eyelids are dropping. At 7:30pm, that's not okay with me.

I want to go riding.

OPENING NIGHT.

Opening night WAS AMAZING. Nobody could stop laughing. And they weren't just laughing at Durang's lines, but laughing because of my blocking, my notes for my actors.

Maybe I possibly might be maybe a good director?

Lets see how tomorrow goes. But, srsly, so many hugs and compliments. Fantastic.

Midnight'n A Half.

Started rehearsal at 10:30pm. Finished just after midnight. Play's about a half hour.

'Nuff said. Welcome to tech week.

My throat is still in ridiculously intense pain. Mono's not my friend, neither is Anemia, I am so ridiculously tired right now.

The Second City troupe was hilarious, so hilarious. Go figure my favourite sketch was one from the archives, written by Stephen Colbert.

The show will be [knock on wood] amazing. We stmubled through tonight so hardcore, but I have faith. If it was running smoothly, it would look fantastic. I'm proud of my work.

It does suck, though, when you see the people not coming to your show. I never realised until now how much work and devotion directing is. And I still love it. This means the world to me. I am already a Stage Management student, easy, but this play - This play here - Is the thing that basically decides if they will let me also concentrate in Directing. This is a huge deal for me, world. I'm laying emotions on it. Big emotions. People don't realise how much this means to me.

But most importantly, things make me laugh.

Maths Class.

Mono + Anemia/Tech Week(Non-supportive faculty) x Bucketloads of classwork + Titles due Wednesday -Money = Kristin

What is the value of Kristin?